Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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