you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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