If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
