Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
