I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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