Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
