sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
