HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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