I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
