so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
