he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
