I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
