You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
