Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
