If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
