He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
