that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
