I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
