Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
