Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
