They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
