New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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