So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
