I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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