I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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