im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
