I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
