I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
