You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
only you would photoshop your dick
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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