you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
