I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
