I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
