from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
