just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
