Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
