I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
