Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
