he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
