Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
