he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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