yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
