You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
