I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
