Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
