Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
