Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
