Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
