no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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