I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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