Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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